September 24th, 2025
The Upward Look, by Jon Forrest
“Is It Necessary?”
Dr. Ergun Caner is the Dean of the Graduate School of Theology at Arlington Baptist University in Arlington, Texas. He is the son of a devoted Islamic Leader and came to faith in Jesus Christ in 1982. Subsequently, he was disowned by his family.
Dr. Caner tells a story from when he began his first full-time pastorate. It was a small community church with a parsonage located in a town of 115. Ergun writes that as he walked in on that first Wednesday night, he felt prepared to become effective and lead this church. In the 3 days since they voted on him, he had read all he could find about country living. Living all of his life in urban areas, Ergun had never even had a lawn but now that he had read up on farming and farmers, he THOUGHT he was ready. However, nothing could prepare him (or anyone) for that first night.
It was a Wednesday evening and the 5 ft marker board (where they wrote down the prayer request) was in place. Generally (so he was told), the service was divided into 2 parts. The 1st part was receiving of prayer requests and praying while the last part was a Bible Study. But tonight would be different. All was going normal with the prayer requests until Doreen stood to share her request. Doreen proceeded to share a request for a woman who had a serious condition which required brain surgery. While the preacher wrote on the board and Doreen spoke of this unimaginable report, the entire room became quiet. The worse part of the story was still to be heard. Doreen, an elderly woman, seemed almost broken as she relayed that this woman’s husband waited until just before this major surgery to tell her that he was leaving her for another woman. The new pastor was in shock and even speechless when from the back of the room another elderly lady said, “Doreen, sit down and shut up!”
The pastor was horrified and said, “Ma’am, please allow this lady to finish her request. I would ask that we not speak to each other like this.” So Doreen attempted to finished the story when that lady in the back spoke up once again, “Doreen, if you don’t sit down & shut up, I’m going to come up there and punch you in the mouth.”
The new pastor was attempting to determine what kind of church he had come to – where the ladies spoke this way and were about to fight. Ergun composed himself and said, “Ma’am I am not going to ask you again to not interrupt a prayer request. This is a sacred place…”
Before He could finish his statement, the woman in the back said, “Preacher, that’s my sister! It ain’t no real woman! It ain’t no real husband! It ain’t no real surgery; she’s sharin’ a prayer request from her favorite soap opera she saw today.”
Gossip is a problem because some people can’t tell the difference between reality and truth. Some people talk just because they enjoy the sound of their voices. Some people love the attention negative, and even inventive, stories bring to them. Gossip in the church carries with it the potential to destroy and rip apart relationships and to sow seeds of anger, hatred and even division within the Body of Christ. Cheryl and I attended a church back in our Bible college days where the elders actually went to a woman and asked her to either stop giving so many details in her prayer requests or stop making them altogether. Every week, during public prayer request time, she would speak endlessly with gory details concerning people’s lives in the guise of a prayer request.
In the 12th chapter of Numbers we are told that Moses’ sister, Miriam and his brother, Aaron, leaders in the Israelite community, began to gossip behind Moses’ back because they didn’t like his wife. After all, she was a foreigner and didn’t fit in, so far as they were concerned. They went so far as to begin to challenge Moses’ calling and his ability to lead the people.
God saw the danger in their gossip! He called a meeting with the three siblings and dealt with it in private. He was not easy on them, especially, Miriam, and stopped the problem right then and there. God’s people should not put up with such gossip. At the first sign of it, leadership should quietly and firmly handle it with love and strength. We must never allow ourselves to be caught up in this evil that is all too often treated as funny and harmless. Paul lists people who are gossips as among the worst of the worst in Romans 1:29-30 among those upon whom God has given up.
When you are thinking of saying something negative about someone else, stop yourself and ask, “Is this necessary?” “Is this something God would want me to say?” “Do I know for certain that the person or people I am speaking to will be able to keep this in confidence?” “Is this a holy exercise in speech?” Once again, “Is this necessary?” “What better option do I have?”
This Sunday we will share a message titled God’s Friendship Versus
Human Friendships based on Proverbs 18:24 and other Scripture. I hope you will come and share in this important look at how to love others the way God loves us.
Speaking in love,
Jon
“Is It Necessary?”
Dr. Ergun Caner is the Dean of the Graduate School of Theology at Arlington Baptist University in Arlington, Texas. He is the son of a devoted Islamic Leader and came to faith in Jesus Christ in 1982. Subsequently, he was disowned by his family.
Dr. Caner tells a story from when he began his first full-time pastorate. It was a small community church with a parsonage located in a town of 115. Ergun writes that as he walked in on that first Wednesday night, he felt prepared to become effective and lead this church. In the 3 days since they voted on him, he had read all he could find about country living. Living all of his life in urban areas, Ergun had never even had a lawn but now that he had read up on farming and farmers, he THOUGHT he was ready. However, nothing could prepare him (or anyone) for that first night.
It was a Wednesday evening and the 5 ft marker board (where they wrote down the prayer request) was in place. Generally (so he was told), the service was divided into 2 parts. The 1st part was receiving of prayer requests and praying while the last part was a Bible Study. But tonight would be different. All was going normal with the prayer requests until Doreen stood to share her request. Doreen proceeded to share a request for a woman who had a serious condition which required brain surgery. While the preacher wrote on the board and Doreen spoke of this unimaginable report, the entire room became quiet. The worse part of the story was still to be heard. Doreen, an elderly woman, seemed almost broken as she relayed that this woman’s husband waited until just before this major surgery to tell her that he was leaving her for another woman. The new pastor was in shock and even speechless when from the back of the room another elderly lady said, “Doreen, sit down and shut up!”
The pastor was horrified and said, “Ma’am, please allow this lady to finish her request. I would ask that we not speak to each other like this.” So Doreen attempted to finished the story when that lady in the back spoke up once again, “Doreen, if you don’t sit down & shut up, I’m going to come up there and punch you in the mouth.”
The new pastor was attempting to determine what kind of church he had come to – where the ladies spoke this way and were about to fight. Ergun composed himself and said, “Ma’am I am not going to ask you again to not interrupt a prayer request. This is a sacred place…”
Before He could finish his statement, the woman in the back said, “Preacher, that’s my sister! It ain’t no real woman! It ain’t no real husband! It ain’t no real surgery; she’s sharin’ a prayer request from her favorite soap opera she saw today.”
Gossip is a problem because some people can’t tell the difference between reality and truth. Some people talk just because they enjoy the sound of their voices. Some people love the attention negative, and even inventive, stories bring to them. Gossip in the church carries with it the potential to destroy and rip apart relationships and to sow seeds of anger, hatred and even division within the Body of Christ. Cheryl and I attended a church back in our Bible college days where the elders actually went to a woman and asked her to either stop giving so many details in her prayer requests or stop making them altogether. Every week, during public prayer request time, she would speak endlessly with gory details concerning people’s lives in the guise of a prayer request.
In the 12th chapter of Numbers we are told that Moses’ sister, Miriam and his brother, Aaron, leaders in the Israelite community, began to gossip behind Moses’ back because they didn’t like his wife. After all, she was a foreigner and didn’t fit in, so far as they were concerned. They went so far as to begin to challenge Moses’ calling and his ability to lead the people.
God saw the danger in their gossip! He called a meeting with the three siblings and dealt with it in private. He was not easy on them, especially, Miriam, and stopped the problem right then and there. God’s people should not put up with such gossip. At the first sign of it, leadership should quietly and firmly handle it with love and strength. We must never allow ourselves to be caught up in this evil that is all too often treated as funny and harmless. Paul lists people who are gossips as among the worst of the worst in Romans 1:29-30 among those upon whom God has given up.
When you are thinking of saying something negative about someone else, stop yourself and ask, “Is this necessary?” “Is this something God would want me to say?” “Do I know for certain that the person or people I am speaking to will be able to keep this in confidence?” “Is this a holy exercise in speech?” Once again, “Is this necessary?” “What better option do I have?”
This Sunday we will share a message titled God’s Friendship Versus
Human Friendships based on Proverbs 18:24 and other Scripture. I hope you will come and share in this important look at how to love others the way God loves us.
Speaking in love,
Jon
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